Ugh, I can't believe I had a stroke! I know it has been 3+ years but, somehow, someway, I'm still in disbelief. I was 30, ate well, drank water (probably not the 8 16oz. glasses a day), and was athletic. It's true what they say; strokes don't age discriminate.

I'm grateful for my family, doctors, and friends. My recovery is still a work in progress, but hey it's a marathon, not a sprint (right?). Being a young person, and used to having tons to energy and thinking quick, has made this more tough for me. I always tell myself it could be worse, and I know it could be, but sometimes I get in my head with the not positive, "what if" thoughts.

For instance, it drives me crazy when people say, "I didn't know you had a stroke" or "I would not have been able to tell unless you told me." I know I'm not supposed to care what others think, and I do a pretty good job (at least I think) of ignoring people's dirty looks when I'm in a wheelchair at the airport, or I'm exhausted and need assistance walking, but sometimes it just sucks. I feel like saying something, maybe even shouting "take a picture, it will last longer" or telling them I had a stroke, but I don't.

Some people didn't know me before my stroke, that's understandable but people that did know me prior, it's at times frustrating to "hang out" or "chat" because I feel judged (my progress, etc.). Let me clarify, when I feel rushed, or the spotlight is on me, I'm more at a loss for words than usual. I feel defeated because words used to be my thing, quick thinking on my feet, and smart witted remarks were me, not anymore. If asked about my stroke or strokes in general, I'm more than happy to share to experience or knowledge, but to the people that know me, I'm more than my stroke.

Oh well, I know "be positive, be grateful," but we all have days where these unusual thoughts can get the best of us.